For comparison, I thought I would post this video of me presenting the Old Testament book of Ruth on Mother’s Day, five months before transplant. Even during that time, I often heard people say, “You look great!” While I appreciated the sentiment, I knew that I looked nothing like I felt. Aside from the fact that they are two different books, I want to make a brief list of the differences between these two presentations.
- I used a cane. Though my balance was pretty good, I needed the cane to lean on as my legs (left leg, in particular) would become heavy and hard to drag around.
- Because of the extreme discomfort and pain brought on by the rib crushing sensation of the MS hug, I took any opportunity I could to hunch over. This sensation also made breathing difficult and I paused often to take in quick, shallow breaths.
- Though it is invisible to the eye, my face and throat shocked me every minute or so with painful spasms. These happened when I stretched my face too much or spoke too quickly. I no longer have these spasms and presenting Esther felt like I was unbound and set loose.
- In order to be able to do this presentation, I had to drink 3 cups of coffee, 20 mgs. of doctor prescribed amphetamines, and sequester myself from any and all conversations for a full 24 hours before, during, and after. I went home that day and was useless for three. In contrast, I presented Esther three times with only half a cup of coffee and went home and did two loads of laundry and made dinner that evening.
I believe The Word is still clearly shown in this video of Ruth, though I think it also helps show me just how drastically I have been repaired. I look forward to what further healing brings.